What I did

So basically this is how things went down. Well how they have gone down so far.

On Saturday we had a nice chat and I just told him that I was not ready. I told him that I think he is amazing and the sweetest guy I have ever met but I honestly was not ready for an exclusive relationship. I told him if he wanted a girl that was ready he would have to find someone else... well essentially that is what I said. But apparently he thinks he would not find anyone better so he told me he would wait.

On Sunday I went over there for dinner and I spent from 4:30 till 11:30 just hanging out with him and his family. We ate, looked at pictures, I schooled him at Phase 10, we made cookies, and we just enjoyed being together. It was awesome! It was not about the physical, it was all about just loving to be around each other. His mom and sister were hanging out with us too and I was very content to just stay like that. It felt so natural!

So my mind started to change about what I had said on Saturday. My feelings all together started to change. This made it very hard to stick to what I had told him on Saturday but I could not take it back just a day later!

Secretly part of my fasting on Sunday had been about knowing what direction to go with Eric and I really think how the evening went was my answer. It really was the most amazing evening. But I stuck to my word and I did not say what I was feeling to him.

Then today I was sick. My tummy hurt muchos (and still does so I should go to bed but I really wanted to type this)! So I got someone to go into work for me and I relaxed at home trying to get better and Eric came to help. He did not care that I was boring because I was feeling like crap. He just wanted to be with me, to try and help me feel better. He could have gone and done other things but he has me as a priority and so he stayed (well he had a few responsibilities so he left for a little bit but then he came back). He is SO loving and kind and I just feel good around him. I could not hold it back today. I had to tell him how I felt. So maybe I'm in love, and maybe love still kind of hurts, but it feels right!

Oh and Annette, you make a good point about Saturday. I was not digging him so much. But that was because of me. I did not want to dig him. I did not want to let myself be happy. Because honestly I am still scared. It is scary when it feels right sometimes. Oh and also I was still set on not letting my feelings for him stop me from flirting with other guys so I was flirting with Trey too... yeah ... (not a good move) So I did not want it to seem like we were dating to Trey so I did not let my feelings show and therefor I was not happy like I normally am around him.

And Rachel, he would love to come do a double date. He really wants to meet the whole family and he would love to talk about the south with Brian because he served his mission in North Carolina and he loves to talk about the south.

I understand that Love is a big deal. But I really think that this is what I feel. He truely is good. He is silly and sometimes he is a goober (not that that is a bad thing) and he can be extreemly awkward, but this works really well because I can be too. I have never had any guy treat me like he treats me. He cares more than any guy ever before and it feels good!

You may not agree with what I did or what I say I feel but you know what, that is ok. I feel good about it and so that is all that matters. I guess all you can do it just trust my feelings. I guess that is all I can do too!

Confusion

So there is this boy. His name is Eric. I really like him. He really likes me.... actually to be honest he says he loves me. He wants to date me.... and just me. I like this idea. But I do not feel ready. I have enjoyed spending a lot of time with him, he is a way cool guy, and I want to spend more time with him. I just don't think that I am ready to get into a serious relationship right now and he is having a hard time with this. Eric understands where I am coming from but he is putting a lot of pressure on me to commit but I really just can't right now and I don't know what to do. Do I let him go so that he can just move on and not have to deal with me anymore or should I be selfish and make him wait for me to be ready or do I just commit and let things grow that way. I really don't know what to do. I feel good when I'm around him but I still enjoy flirting with other guys, and that is really not fair at all to him. I feel like a terrible person but what can I do? I need advice!

V-day

Valentines day is just around the corner and once again I am single. Not to worry though because my friend Heather Lynn Peterson promised that she would be my valentine so I guess I'm all taken care of. ps in case you didn't know Nathan and I broke up... I'm doing good.... he just has things he needs to work out before he can be in a relationship, we are still friends, and we still like each other but it can't be more than that. Right now I'm sick with a sore throat and ears and my tummy having trouble still! I'm tired of school, I'm tired of stupid boys but I'm still having fun and being happy! Life is still good!

Exciting Life

So I colored my hair as most of you know and have seen but for those that haven't seen there are pictures... yes I was playing with my webcam again. Life is great, I had an awesome winter break, I had to work a lot but having no homework or tests to study for was stellar! Now I am back at school and it looks like I will have an extremely busy semester, I will definitely be writing a heck of a lot more than last semester and it will be intense but I can do it. Who doesn't love a challenge?
Well... Last night was pretty awesome, I know you all thought Nathan Summers and I were official before... but we weren't, no worries that phase is over. He asked me if I would be his girlfriend just last night, and it was super cute.... for the whole story you will have to talk to me ;) So I am now in a relationship where I am not dating other people... I've never done that before. But I'm excited He really is awesome!

Writing because of popular demand

Well you see, a lot has been happening since I last posted but I honestly haven't known what to write. Mostly the events are only things that are to be written in a journal and possibly told in person. But I will now recount two things that happened in the last two days.

Number one.... I have been thinking of getting a Gym membership for some time now and today I went in because Gold's Gym had called me a couple times and I checked it out. Yeah.... despite mom telling me to not let them sell me anything I went for it! I'm excited because now I will have to work out..... If I'm going to be paying for it, then I'm going to take advantage of it. Pretty sure I'm like bff with the guys that were helping me get signed up, somehow after my work out when I went to get my purse I ended up with burrito all over me..... now thats a story.... it was a fun time and I'm pretty excited... working out makes me happy!

Number two.... If you look at the picture very very closely at my arm you will see that there are some pretty sick bruises... yeah.... I have some on my legs too! Pretty sure yesterday at UVU on my way to class I fell down the stairs, well just one stair, ended up on the ground, did a spin, and got back up. HAHA, it was a pretty awesome fall.... still hurting from it but its cool... it makes for an awesome story! Only one girl saw me and she was too nice to laugh, I was most certainly laughing at myself but she just said to me "its a good day right?" and I replied "I love Mondays!"

Well there you go, I posted and I'll try to post more regularily!

I'm a college girl!

Since they done did learn me real good in high school I decided maybe I should try out some college edumacation. So far its going really good. UVU is a little bigger than Timpview but I think I am figuring it out. I have four classes. Math, History, Biology, and Human Development. I like all of my professors so far but I have to admit that my Biology class is quite dull so far... but who knows maybe one day James Price (the teacher) will surprise me and spice things up. I was taking a Public Speaking class but due to the complexity of traveling down 7 flights of stairs and across campus in ten minutes I decided I would take that another semester. I still have a full schedule with 13 credits so I think it will be a good intro to college life. I am excited about this new adventure and I am ready to work hard! And maybe I'll learn to get to bed on time in the process.

My New Job

So I have the coolest job! I work for a company named Chrysalis and I go to a home with four mentally handicapped guys and I get to hang out with them and take care of them and talk to them! I started on Tuesday and yesterday was my first official day. It is so much fun! I have so much to learn from them! Today I am working an extra long shift (2:30pm-12am) and I might be doing it alone because apparently the guy scheduled to work with me sometimes just decides not to show up so it could be an interesting day. I am a little scared for that but I think I can do it! I am so excited to be able to learn from them, I feel like I am actually making a difference in their lives and it is a very good feeling to know what I do is important!