What I did

So basically this is how things went down. Well how they have gone down so far.

On Saturday we had a nice chat and I just told him that I was not ready. I told him that I think he is amazing and the sweetest guy I have ever met but I honestly was not ready for an exclusive relationship. I told him if he wanted a girl that was ready he would have to find someone else... well essentially that is what I said. But apparently he thinks he would not find anyone better so he told me he would wait.

On Sunday I went over there for dinner and I spent from 4:30 till 11:30 just hanging out with him and his family. We ate, looked at pictures, I schooled him at Phase 10, we made cookies, and we just enjoyed being together. It was awesome! It was not about the physical, it was all about just loving to be around each other. His mom and sister were hanging out with us too and I was very content to just stay like that. It felt so natural!

So my mind started to change about what I had said on Saturday. My feelings all together started to change. This made it very hard to stick to what I had told him on Saturday but I could not take it back just a day later!

Secretly part of my fasting on Sunday had been about knowing what direction to go with Eric and I really think how the evening went was my answer. It really was the most amazing evening. But I stuck to my word and I did not say what I was feeling to him.

Then today I was sick. My tummy hurt muchos (and still does so I should go to bed but I really wanted to type this)! So I got someone to go into work for me and I relaxed at home trying to get better and Eric came to help. He did not care that I was boring because I was feeling like crap. He just wanted to be with me, to try and help me feel better. He could have gone and done other things but he has me as a priority and so he stayed (well he had a few responsibilities so he left for a little bit but then he came back). He is SO loving and kind and I just feel good around him. I could not hold it back today. I had to tell him how I felt. So maybe I'm in love, and maybe love still kind of hurts, but it feels right!

Oh and Annette, you make a good point about Saturday. I was not digging him so much. But that was because of me. I did not want to dig him. I did not want to let myself be happy. Because honestly I am still scared. It is scary when it feels right sometimes. Oh and also I was still set on not letting my feelings for him stop me from flirting with other guys so I was flirting with Trey too... yeah ... (not a good move) So I did not want it to seem like we were dating to Trey so I did not let my feelings show and therefor I was not happy like I normally am around him.

And Rachel, he would love to come do a double date. He really wants to meet the whole family and he would love to talk about the south with Brian because he served his mission in North Carolina and he loves to talk about the south.

I understand that Love is a big deal. But I really think that this is what I feel. He truely is good. He is silly and sometimes he is a goober (not that that is a bad thing) and he can be extreemly awkward, but this works really well because I can be too. I have never had any guy treat me like he treats me. He cares more than any guy ever before and it feels good!

You may not agree with what I did or what I say I feel but you know what, that is ok. I feel good about it and so that is all that matters. I guess all you can do it just trust my feelings. I guess that is all I can do too!